October 28, 2009

'Inside the Actor’s Studio' with Gary Millbanks, aka Sir Henry Stiffenwilly of the Irwindale Renaissance Faire

1. What is your favorite word?
Frummagem’d clapperdogeon

2. What is your least favorite word?
Gingumbobs

3. What turns you on?
‘Pon my honor, I nay not imagine loveliness sweeter than the exposed ankle of a fair maiden. Except maybe her exposed split-fig, If thou knowest what I mean.

4. What turns you off?
Vile hatred of the theater, quiefs

5. What sound do you love?
The merry clangor of church bells in the morn, the sighs of a satisfied madam and the shouts of her cuckolded husband

6. What sound do you hate?
An untuned necked-bowl lute

7. What is your favorite curse word?
Blithering buck-fitch pillicock

8. What profession other than yours would you like to attempt?
Swordsman, farrier of horse hooves, Clive Owen in ‘The Golden Age’ which twice I did read for, and which twice my cackling-cheat agent did sweat I had in the bag. Um, in the sack. Um, in the embroidered belt pouch.

9. What profession would you not like to do?
Yeoman of the bedchamber, dentist

10. If heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the pearly gates?
“Come entertain me, ye olde thespian. Come feast on turkey and mutton and know never again the curses of Top Ramen. For here, in Heaven, you are always Othello and never Brabantio’s Brother/Servant #2.”

October 26, 2009
[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

Mary Wells - Bye Bye Baby

The song that always gets all the parents dancing. In that parent-dancing way of theirs.

October 25, 2009
This dog’s name is Lauren Barkall. Best Humphrey Bogart pun wins a patronizing smile from both of us.

This dog’s name is Lauren Barkall. Best Humphrey Bogart pun wins a patronizing smile from both of us.

October 20, 2009
Old Jews Telling Jokes, Los Angeles shoot

Old Jews Telling Jokes, Los Angeles shoot

October 19, 2009
Rufus and Rallant #7

Rufus and Rallant #7

October 18, 2009
Fantastic, I’ve found my new stripper name. (I’m not actually that broke, it’s just that stripping seems like the best way for a woman to jumpstart her career as a writer in Hollywood.)

Fantastic, I’ve found my new stripper name. (I’m not actually that broke, it’s just that stripping seems like the best way for a woman to jumpstart her career as a writer in Hollywood.)

October 10, 2009
I am a tiny half-person who needed to use a special, secret lightweight bowling ball that’s kept hidden behind the front desk. To see over that desk I needed a stepladder, and in order to get that stepladder I needed a bullhorn. I only bowled one strike, after which I jumped whole centimeters into the air. Next time, I’m ditching the ping pong ball and hurling my tiny half-self at the pins.

I am a tiny half-person who needed to use a special, secret lightweight bowling ball that’s kept hidden behind the front desk. To see over that desk I needed a stepladder, and in order to get that stepladder I needed a bullhorn. I only bowled one strike, after which I jumped whole centimeters into the air.

Next time, I’m ditching the ping pong ball and hurling my tiny half-self at the pins.

October 8, 2009
The woman on the right’s disability is that her feet are on backwards.

The woman on the right’s disability is that her feet are on backwards.

Ninety Harvey Pekar heads. Each more curmudgeonly than the last.

Ninety Harvey Pekar heads. Each more curmudgeonly than the last.

October 7, 2009
Rufus got a new reading chair. He enjoyed George Saunders’ short story, but took issue with Denby’s use of the phrase “limp-pawed caresses.” I told him to lighten up. He sniffed haughtily and turned up the Glenn Miller.

Rufus got a new reading chair. He enjoyed George Saunders’ short story, but took issue with Denby’s use of the phrase “limp-pawed caresses.” I told him to lighten up. He sniffed haughtily and turned up the Glenn Miller.